apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
