I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
