Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Four minutes until I can fart!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize