he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
