I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
