My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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