Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
