you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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