On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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