she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
