I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
