I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
