I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Are we still banned from the library?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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