so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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