I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
