everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize