Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
