The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
