my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
