So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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