Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
