dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
