Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
