What did we do last night that was yellow?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
