I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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