I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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