I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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