you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
