I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
