What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
