He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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