tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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