remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize