But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
