im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize