I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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