i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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