Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
