Walk of Shame. In a state park.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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