What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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