I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
nutella sex= disaster
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Randomize
