So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
