Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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