you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
