and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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