so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
