...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The struggles of a small town man whore
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
