John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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