i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
