areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
