Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
