I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
