It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
