Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
