Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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