actually, I'm a sock model
I accidentally had phone sex last night
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
