There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize