New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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