god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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