Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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