I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
