bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
