I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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