He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
