normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
