YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
