his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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