Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You are a genius and a whore.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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