after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
