Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I have aggressive nipples.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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