Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
