I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
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