am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
