Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
