the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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